I heard we made out
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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