Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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