booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
smell my finger.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize