Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
