who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
