what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
