dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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