I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
