I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
