well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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