Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
