Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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