Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
