You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
