Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
