i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
