i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
