Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
