how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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