allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
