its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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