The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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