im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
