i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
