the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
