I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
