do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
They took my balls.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
