I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
