He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
