Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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