Even the bartender felt bad for me
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
