Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
