hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I had to cum in my sink.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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