No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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