This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
