Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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