Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
