Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
