so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
