Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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