pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
