Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
