I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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