you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
