Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
