if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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