he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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