im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
