Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
