If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
