i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize