therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
