Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
