3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
