Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
