All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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