so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize