Don't make out with my wife yet
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
