I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
