The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize