I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
