i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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