then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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