Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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