Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
