is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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