Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize