I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
