Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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